As many of you know, I'm new to the idea of blogging my relationship/love/sex advice. The response has been amazing, with over 300 views in less than four days and all the calls, texts, tweets, etc..encouraging me to keep up the good work. I am so appreciative of it all. I hope that you guys comment, give me feedback as this thing grows and grows. Anyway, I got TEN questions to my email and Facebook page..and the plan is to make one for this page today, so when I get it done, I'll add it. Til then, if you have a question you want an answer to, comment below and I'll reach out to you directly. All identities will be kept anonymous. And so here goes..my first question.
Ashley, you've been the girl I've gone to for relationship advice for years. I think its great you have decided to share your talents with the world, though I find I'm a bit greedy as I didn't want to give up my personal relationship counselor. Anyway, you know I've been involved with Kevin* for a while. Usually, he's been demanding in terms of our sex life, but lately, he's been almost so-so about it. I even got dismissed for video games, and I was ready to go! I hate to ask, but do you think he's not interested in me anymore? Could he be cheating on me and just doesn't have that urge? Is there anything I can do? Anything you can think of, I'd appreciate, because you know I love him to death.
*cracks knuckles*
Well, my friend, first let me give thanks for the support. I got your back, even if this turns into a huge thing, so no worries there. Second, let me give the readers some background. This is my friend Stacey* who I have known since college. She's a beautiful, smart and funny girl. She and Kevin have been exclusive for a while, and they moved in together what feels like a while ago. She loves him, he loves her. But as someone giving her advice, do you see what I see?
Stacey referred to Kevin as being "demanding in terms of our sex life". Eek! If she's calling him that to someone she's getting advice from, imagine what she's thinking about him. It doesn't sound like she's enthusiastic about sex with the man she loves...no wonder he's not! See, sex is supposed to not only be a way to connect to and with your partner, a physical act to give love to them and blah blah, but its also supposed to be fun! For all we know, Stacey, you could be emitting vibes that you're more into staining hardwood floors than letting your man wax you down with some hot oil! Now I know Kevin, and I don't get cheating vibe from him, but if you don't want him tempted, I suggest you try to spice things up...take charge. Maybe instead of waiting for him to designate when he's ready, know that he's a guy (and most pretty much are ready if you give them that face..), announce that you are and lead him into the bedroom, kitchen, wherever you want, and have at him.
So here's my suggestion: When you know he's at work, send him either a naughty pic or text explaining to him in length how much you want him and desire him. Stroke his ego by telling him something he does to you that always makes you feel good, how much you can't wait for that to happen again. If you aren't that good with words, text him a picture of yourself (face not needed for the shy or sensitive types) in your sexy underwear, etc. Let him come home ready to pounce on you...but instead, you take control. During the act, let him know how good he feels, how strong he is, how much you missed him since the last time you were together, etc.
Then, when you have that sensual craving down, start thinking about how sex is initiated. Who does it? How often? If its mostly him, then start to initiate it more. Try to keep a rough idea of who does what, and try to equal it out, because if sex is always on him, and lets say you turn him down (you have a headache, work to catch up on, time of the month, whatever the reason), he will begin to associate asking with possibly being turned down. And though men don't act like it, one of their biggest fears is rejection. Speaking of which, prepare yourself to be rejected too...that video game might be his way to relax or destress, and rather him take out his anger on Grand Theft Auto than you. You may even want to ask him how he feels about your sex life, if there's anything you can do to improve things, because honestly, if you don't tend to your man, there's someone who will. Same goes for the fellas...ladies fight off attention everyday, one way or another and the idea of a relationship is to ENJOY each other. So quit reading, and get to sexing!!^
Hope this helps!
If you like this or have an opinion, please share, subscribe and comment below! Have a question? Contact me through the comments below! Just keep it clean, no personal attacks or disrespectful comments will be tolerated.
Ashley Robin
*names have been changed
^sex should always be safe, so don't forget the latex or polyurethane condoms!
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